Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
