i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
