ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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