Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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