if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize