This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I lost the right to judge tonight
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
