My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
