Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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