Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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