I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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