Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
