I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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