You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
