Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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