Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
