I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
