I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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