This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the day after is always just damage control
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
