All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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