shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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