The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
