problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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