make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Bring me that man meat
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
