Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
