I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Randomize
