He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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