in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
