Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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