I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
