Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
