Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
