All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize