Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Blow job season was short but glorious.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
