Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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