new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
