The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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