found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
