Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
