So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
