This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
