dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
