just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
