And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When are your genitals available?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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