I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
