Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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