If you die in college, do you die in real life?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
