I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
