Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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