i was born a porn star she said
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
