I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize