It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
they're like a gay fantastic four
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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