Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
