my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
