I wish I could teleport
I am puke
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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