Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize