Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
