This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it's like heaven, but drunker
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
