Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
COCAINE IS GR8
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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