I wish I only lived at night.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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