Can Purell be used as lube?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
