i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
