Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
