me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize