Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
