I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
