I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
