I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
