sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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