did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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