you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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