So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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