i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
